just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
