Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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