I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
