Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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