Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
