i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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