oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
