All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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