Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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