so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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