Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
