Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
