This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
