she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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