so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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