peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
