Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
