Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
