Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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