I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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