She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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