btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
