Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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