I molested 6 butterflies tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize