What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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