put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
