Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
