like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
