I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Who died my cat blue again?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
