Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
