Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
