how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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