Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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