so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
