if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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