Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize