Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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