Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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