i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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