Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
