If that was your dad, he is hot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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