Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
