you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
