No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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