After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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