i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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