marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
