Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
