Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize