my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
