when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
false alarm. still invincible.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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