Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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