he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
