I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
