Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Someone signed my nipple.
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