i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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