i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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