On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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