that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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