I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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