My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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