I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
