my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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