Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
