She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
