Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
