guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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