Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
