I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
