it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
