sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's like heaven, but drunker
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
