I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
