just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
