I met the friendliest cop last night
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
PANTIES FOUND
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