once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love having hate sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
