What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
