this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
