Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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