hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
