my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
