he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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