Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
