i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
