Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
