she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
