I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
