A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
