I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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