I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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