So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
