3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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