Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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