omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
