careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
