I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
