Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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