If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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