17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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