Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
