:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
