dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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