can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
