**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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