Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want to be your penis for a week.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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