we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
