I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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